i had a staring contest with myself today, in the sense that i wanted to see how long i could keep my eyes open without blinking, and I found it easier to not blink if you are focusing on something that isn't moving, nothing too distracting. crouching on the couch, i just stared into my mirror. i only got to about two minutes because my eyes were so dry, but fuck. there reached a point, where i felt myself panicking, and becoming overwrought with doubt. Every time I moved my eye, I couldn't tell if i was closing it, or just moving it. I started breathing really shallowly, and then my eye started twitching! I felt my nose start to flare, but fought to contain myself because I have come to realize how disarming it is. I'm not saying that I think I am synonymous with nose flaring, but more that it allows people to read me too easily, since they've learnt my tics, because I am always mad.
as I'm really starting to feel like I'm going to lose it, my vision started going blurry. I felt like i was slowly unzipping my face. I felt transient in my skin, and became immediately aware how chapped my lips were. that's when you have to dart your tongue out of your mouth, when your lips have fused to themselves. I like how the body always closes things back up.
I can't believe I have become one of those people whose eye twitches when they are stressed out. When I think of eye twitches Jason Alexander fucking belly flops into my mind. I keep getting told that I'm anal, but I think I'm just stubborn. whatever. what can I even say that's not already been said.
oh and um... SPRING BREAK!!!!!!
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