$$$

well well well, April. You sure are a bitch, aren't you?

last night I was in Sioux Falls staying at my parents' house and B-nizz (mom) and I decided to go hot tubbing. I didn't have a swim suit with me, but since I had been heavily drinking whiskey for the previous two hours, I didn't really have any qualms with going naked. thankfully b-nizz is a bigger lush than I am, and didn't have a problem with my lack of attire. 

So: we make one more drink and after an extremely awkward submersion, we are tubbin! b-nizz gets sick of it after about twenty minutes but fuck dood, I still have half a drink left so I opt to stay. B-nizz forgot her towel, so she had to borrow mine to go inside, taking it only with a promise of pinky swear magnitude to return it after she dried off inside.

fast forward twenty minutes.

Drink is gone. Towel is still gone. I have given up on B but am now hankerin for a cigarette. I figure, it's one in the morning, everyone is asleep; I can just run inside quick, grab a towel and a smoke, and be back in the water, no problem. 

well.

To my absolute horror: the door is locked. B-nizz is a drunk bitch and locked the door behind her, having NO intention of returning my towel and apparently not giving a shit that she has left me outside. NAKED.

after procuring a small sapling for coverage and pounding the shit out of my sister's window to no avail, I am forced to go to go to our front fucking door and start a knockin. and and and who of course has to be the one to get out of bed?

MY GOD DAMN FATHER

so:

1. drunk

2. nipples

3. awkward

happy easter.