where that summer stink at?

i am caught at the anxious point of a pre-natal summer and find myself getting... twitchy. Every little noise is making me jump, and I have become certain of figures behind me, which are regrettably gone every time I look around. The thought has absorbed into my skin, and I am positive that there is a tick somewhere in my hair... it's just very good at hiding. nonsense, god dammit. 

this summer I have decided that I am going to try and make a new dress every day. I have digressed from having the stipulation of wearing every new outfit on the day of its production, it's just not possible. And i usually fuck something up so it's not immediately available. but you gots to keep those hands busy ya know?

I want my summer to look a whole lot like this.

and not so much like this.

I also would like to learn Morse code.

hey derr

summer of the god damn sexes, eh?

I feel cruel, but in a good way. 

I think that Whitney Houston's "I'm every woman" could be dubbed over anything.

$$$

well well well, April. You sure are a bitch, aren't you?

last night I was in Sioux Falls staying at my parents' house and B-nizz (mom) and I decided to go hot tubbing. I didn't have a swim suit with me, but since I had been heavily drinking whiskey for the previous two hours, I didn't really have any qualms with going naked. thankfully b-nizz is a bigger lush than I am, and didn't have a problem with my lack of attire. 

So: we make one more drink and after an extremely awkward submersion, we are tubbin! b-nizz gets sick of it after about twenty minutes but fuck dood, I still have half a drink left so I opt to stay. B-nizz forgot her towel, so she had to borrow mine to go inside, taking it only with a promise of pinky swear magnitude to return it after she dried off inside.

fast forward twenty minutes.

Drink is gone. Towel is still gone. I have given up on B but am now hankerin for a cigarette. I figure, it's one in the morning, everyone is asleep; I can just run inside quick, grab a towel and a smoke, and be back in the water, no problem. 

well.

To my absolute horror: the door is locked. B-nizz is a drunk bitch and locked the door behind her, having NO intention of returning my towel and apparently not giving a shit that she has left me outside. NAKED.

after procuring a small sapling for coverage and pounding the shit out of my sister's window to no avail, I am forced to go to go to our front fucking door and start a knockin. and and and who of course has to be the one to get out of bed?

MY GOD DAMN FATHER

so:

1. drunk

2. nipples

3. awkward

happy easter.

fever sprouts

i have been having the strangest dreams as of late, of i couldn't be happier. I was stuck in the mud as far as my celestial adventures were concerned, so it's about god damn time. i think it's all the broccoli that I've been eating.

last night was illuminating, to say the least. I'm excited to kick my own as these next two months. business time, bub.

hollow resonation in my heart

 birthday present, please. not that i'll be getting any, because i have been nothing short of an asshole as of late. 

must be all the 40zzzzzzzzz

i am vurry curry happy and that is all that i can say.

she's not a tramp, her name is judy

This has been the best few days in a long time. for myself, it reclaims a confidence in existence, the reassurance that I'm going to be just fine. I'm looking forward to new things, new people, fuckin see ya dood. 

i think i'm losing my hearing, or maybe i just have a sinus infection. sometimes i worry that i am a hypochondriac. i keep finding things wrong with myself that are normal, and then next thing you know, i have a bug bite on a bruise and turns out it's leukemia. webMD has put me on the tracks son.

I had four cigarettes yesterday and two today. HA! this is easy.