boner

i feel like i don't have friends anymore.

the breeze on my cheeks tickles to a grin. sweat trickling down your neck. i want to find my power animal. i've been searching for inspiration but you can't force it. and yet, you could fill yourself so full of something that the edges of the room will fade into one and move, and more of what's in your mind becomes the express of your being. allowing control before you understand it can only lead to muddled thoughts. i want to find myself- but the self that I envision, not what i emulate or otherwise believe myself to be exuding. slippery thoughts simply work to tease my dreams into a frenzy that not even lucidity could empower. aspirations are becoming liquid fibs and exhausted attempts at productivity.

and now a sappy poem from 2006:

lost without an understand of where

my shoes have gone. serendipity or

just callused feet. a grin full of air,

time to remind them what you're here for.

starting to look forward to thanksgiving. i miss my family, and really really really need a break from school. i thought my senior year was going to be a coast, but no. even more disgruntling than ever. i feel like the only thing keeping me going is my delusional search for acceptance from my teachers. i've become such a kiss ass.

still excited to graduate. even more excited for a nativity throwdown. i like it when everybody comes back during the holidays, for the most part

fuck it suck it pluck it die

I found this photographer today, and was really fascinated by his work with albatross chicks. the chicks are accidentally fed garbage and usually die from choking or starvation. the pictures are unaltered, even to the extent of the placement of the plastic. is it awful to think that these look really great? This is his work:

http://www.chrisjordan.com/

i can't stop listening to fugazi lately, and I'm thinkin that's what i'll be listening to tonight for the meteor shower. i also started cleaning my room, and want to shoot myself. there's no way i'm going to be able to take a third of the crap i own when i have to move. oh my god. i'm acknowledging that i'm moving. feels weird. but not as sad as it used to. everyone's growing up and going to leave eventually, i might as well jump on the train. toot toot. oh yes: quad city djs

I wish the world was required to dress to this extent. i need to find a lifestyle where i get to play dress up everyday and some cigarettes and ride ponies and oh the swimming. i think i may have just promised myself to the circus. lion tamer. sequins on my ass and feathers in my hair, to distract the cats, naturally. i wouldn't mind roller skating everyday, and or just sitting around and draw tiny little pictures for my friends. i am 22 years old, and i don't know who i am. world's ever changing, eh?

i wish i had a green hat made of foam - adorned with flowers, their stems never shown

thinking thinking thinking seriously about rhyming. and beat. i don't feel like myself right now, but oh dreary me, maybe i ne'er known who i am. i was watching Intervention last night and really liked the meth head's bangs. i altered my appearance because something on television struck me. good lord. also- i find myself more irritated that computers don't have predictive text keypads. does that make sense?

wish i had some free time

I just discovered Kienholz today. I realize I am probably completely ignorant for not having encountered this before, but shit. I really appreciate the intimacy and availability of his work, although I can't say I really adore politically infused art. But, I appreciate the scale and somehow it really makes me want structure, a tidiness around me that encourages focus on the detail of things.

hoo boy

Tunak Tunak

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i like this because it reminds me of mortal kombat. which is my favorite movie. well, one of them. I would say The Page Master would be my favorite. Or Milo and Otis. It's a tie. I remember last summer when I tricked everyone into watching TPM on the projector in my living room. nice.